


Let Them Eat Cake

by GretchenSinister



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Gen, it's just cake this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 04:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17676086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GretchenSinister/pseuds/GretchenSinister
Summary: Original Prompt: "So… ran into this on my dashboard today: http://dreamworksanimation.tumblr.com/post/37862754610/dont-feed-the-elves-but-you-can-eat-this-oneWhy are they making themselves? Who are the ones eating it? Is this cannibalism? Run with it anon!"Okay, so it’s not the elves that made the cake.





	Let Them Eat Cake

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr 12/20/2013.

“Augh! What! North! Phil!” Jack’s voice echoed through the Workshop. “Something freaky is going on!”  
  
“Get out of here! Shoo! You little…creeps!” Jack uses a few icy gusts of air to drive the elves away from one of their fellows, lying on the floor. When Jack had walked in, it had taken him a few moments to realize what he was seeing. At first, he had thought the elves had just been milling about aimlessly as usual, but then he had noticed the horizontal elf hat in the middle of the crowd—and that many of the standing elves had their mouths full of…something.  
  
North walks up to Jack as he drives away more of the elves. Many of them start to run over to him when he arrives, gabbling out protests and pointing at Jack.  
  
“Jack, what is all this about? What is freaky? And why are you harassing the elves again? I thought we had final word about that already.”  
  
“I’m not harassing them!” Jack protested. “And what’s freaky is that they’re cannibals! When I showed up, they were  _eating_  one of their own! They weren’t even embarrassed about it! I had to blast them to get them away from the body.”  
  
“What body?” North asks. Jack begins to gesture to the fallen elf, when Phil shows up. He quickly glances around the room, and when he comes to the center of the floor, he covers his mouth and makes a noise of distress.  
  
“Thank you, Phil,” Jack says. “At least  _someone_  understands how wrong this is. Now, look, North.” He points to the elf on the floor. “ _That’s_  the body.”  
  
North looks at the object on the floor, then at Jack, then the object, then Jack again. There’s a brief moment of silence, and then he begins laughing uproariously. Phil grumbles in disappointment and starts haranguing the elves, who are still hanging around and trying to get closer to the thing on the floor again.  
  
When North stops laughing, wiping away tears from his eyes, Phil starts complaining to him. “I know, I know,” North says. “Do not worry, I will take care of this.”  
  
“What’s going  _on_?” Jack asks, staring, bewildered, at them both.  
  
“Jack, look at the ‘body’ again,” North says.  
  
Jack reluctantly obeys, but the quick glance he forces himself to take soon turns into a puzzled stare. His first thought is that the other elves were eating this one’s clothing too, but after looking a little closer, he sees that instead of flesh and wool, this elf is…“Cake?”  
  
“Yes,” says North. “Phil here was just telling me that this is in fact yetis’ Christmas cake. But elves are stealing sweets always, so this year yetis make cake in shape of elf. Think that it would deter them!”  
  
“Oh…” Jack laughs a little. “Well…uh…hey, Phil, tell whoever did the decorating that they did a great job.”  
  
Phil nods, still grumbling a bit.   
  
“Patience Phil, patience,” North says. “I will build secure way to keep cake this afternoon. Even elves will not be able to get into it. And you do not want this one now, is fallen on floor.” He claps his hands. “All right everybody! Have at!”  
  
The elves rush forward and Jack just shakes his head. It still looks more like cannibalism than cake, and he wonders which of the yetis decided on making this particular cake red velvet.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments from Tumblr:
> 
> bowlingforgerbils said: those elves are freaky, I tells ya! And PHIL! omg Phil. I would read an entire story just about Phil. <3


End file.
